Endure

Here I am at world’s end, staring through the endless frame
The air is bitter,
on the way to my final streetscape
I drink some spirits which soothes
and heals to have courage and to relax
In. The streets look for puppets, or me, void
without purpose but to obey, it's
demoralizing with such purpose, demoralizing on me, I endure
through it, them, as
The cocktail is being sipped on lounge now
two years almost ago, and the man weeping
Is looking over old photographs, & telling.
Who would have thought that I'd be here, nothing
to do, nothing to live for, everything
Gone; will, joy, anger, fear, excitement, laughter,
Up in the sky I cannot reach, drifting away, now
more than ever before?
Not that successful man, radiant in his new coat
eyes penetrating every flaw
& obstacle in the coming future. Not that exceptional student, eighteen, who was
going to have to go, careening into college so,
To learn, & to achieve more wisdom than anyone could imagine
so to go. Not that vassal who from very first meeting
I would never & never will follow orders, not even after I fade & so demanded
To lament & who will never leave me, not for leisure, nor pleasure
nor even for utmost happiness which is
Only our human lot & means nothing. No, not now.
There's a song, "Bring me to Life", but no, I won't do that
I am alone. When will I die? I will never die, I will live
To bear, & I will never go away, & you will never escape from me
who am always & only a realist, despite this thought, Spirit
Who lives only to suffer.
I'm only human, & I am lost, & I didn't ask for it to be this way
I came into your life to leave you my experience.
Only that
And nothing more.
Forlorn & weary, living this fate, nevertheless
I remain here
The world's weight rests on my shoulders.